Sunday, February 26, 2006

An out-of-line profile.

You view a stranger from afar and find their actions to be fascinating and captivating. This completely unknown figure has quirks and general idiosyncracies that are intoxicating to you; conjuring up premature thoughts of a shared future that is absent of a present. Almost instantaneously, you have become enthralled by an object whose existence was unknown in the prior moment. Being drawn to, you decide on approaching this fascination with awkward steps confident in hopeful intentions. As this attraction nears, you find what the earlier voyeur in you had seen as near perfection and delight to be riddled with flaws of superficiality and actions of the intrusive sort. Somehow this intriguing stranger has become someone very mundane possessing beliefs and opinions that you have never found to be inviting or valued. Fortunately, you have been oblivious to the knowledge that this now unwanted guest to the present has traveled the identical path, the entire duration; reaching the same unwanted conclusion.

Unwanted guest: "I am happy to have given this experience a try, but we are completely different people."

Gracious host: "As am I, and I would have to agree. Good luck in your future."

Saturday, February 4, 2006

I, anonymous.

Reclaim your dignity, shave your ironic mustache.

In the world of meaningful existence there is no place for you ironic mustache. You awkwardly appear on the face of so many identity seeking twenty-somethings, including one table bussing dolt. Next time I dine at your velvet laded venue of employment, I will be sure to specify that a portion of my tip goes to you in the form of a shiny quarter so that when your excruciatingly challenging day of employment is finished you can insert it in a nearby pinball machine. Better yet, seize the opportunity and flip this new found prosperity to determine whether or not to shave your face and pursue that college degree or to continue your free fall into the annals of pop culture mishaps. Lets all hope the coin lands with the well groomed face of George Washington staring at you, ironic mustache. Otherwise you will be left with a limited house of potential with Tom Selleck and John Oates lying face down on the roof. I must admit your antic had me laughing at first, but then I relapsed into my gratifying sense of worth and you remained reveling at your ridiculous lip cover. So tomorrow when you wake up, stop the mental masturbation to Burt Reynolds and take a long look at your minor attempt to revive an unwanted past. You will see in those private eyes that you can now finally evolve with us and shed your anomaly of Darwinism. Pick up the razor or dwell in this cycle of shame like your forerunners.